Choices

I have this problem which I’ve been fighting for years. I have this bad habit of putting on a mask with a smile, not so much to prevent others from seeing my emotions, how I’m feeling, protecting myself, or any of the other more common reasons. I do it because I really don’t want for others to worry about me.

I’ve been so strong for so long, I often feel if I let another in to know how or what I’m feeling, I would be unnecessarily burdening them with issues they don’t need on their plates as well. It is an unfortunate, yet obvious, double bladed knife as it leaves me in a position of feeling completely alone in any trials or struggles I’m facing.

I know I’m not alone because I always have God, but there are times when I’d love to ask for prayer, but don’t want others to worry…even though I know the more prayers going up by honest to goodness prayer warriors would be awesome.

So that’s a face, a choice, I consciously use daily. With my family, friends, when I was still employed, most of my coworkers. 

And I have realized lately how that is an act of omission, which, in turn, is a lie. I do my best to be as honest as humanly possible, but to realize how much I have been dishonest has a hold on my heart which only He can remove.

It is a choice to awaken each day with a positive and prayerful outlook on the day, or with a negative and fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants outlook. It is a choice to prioritize you life or to live within the reigns of chaos. It is a choice to have faith and live by that faith just as it is a choice to have no spiritual compass at all.

And as I type this, I also have the choice to stay on my path and keep my eyes focused on what He has planned for me. This means I need to stop with the masks, I need to stop with the excuses, and I need to push through regardless, because I don’t know how much time I have left.

Since having this Spirit led realization, it made it crystal clear about how I truly haven’t really been following anything well. I have become lax in nearly all I do. I have lost my flame and now have only  few flickers of it remaining. Thankfully, I haven’t allowed it to go out completely as it’s much easier to fan a flame to make it larger than to start fresh.

It’s truly a great idea to write down, with date, prayers. especially when you’re asking for Him to do a work in you rather than in another, and when you’re truly sincere about it. Then, just wait. If you truly meant the request and have been following through in your actions along with drawing closer to Him by delving in His Word, it is much easier to actually *hear* what He wants us to *listen* to.

And it is currently my choice to get off this thing and catch upp on some of my reading, as I’m falling a bit behind.

Until then, Be Blessed!

~ J

❤ ❤ ❤

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