I was able to skype with one of my dear friends from high school this morning. She and I haven’t really spoken, at least not to any real length, since perhaps sophomore or junior years. We were pretty close because we could truly empathize with the other and all the traumatic events we’d endured up to that point, and even now, I’m very certain that we still don’t know everything that happened up to then.
She truly is a blessing to me. She is also a blogger, but is also a 3 book published author and someone whom I highly recommend you reading, whereas I have had two poems published in my life. She and I have both overcome some pretty heavy obstacles. Despite our upbringing’s, we both have graduated both high school and have college degrees.
During our chat today, we were discussing our blogs and different little things regarding them. The topic of the reason behind our blogging came up and I had to think of my original goal. I have been known to put on a “customer service” face. You know what I’m talking about. It’s the kind where your face is with smiles and a pleasant voice and demeanor regardless of what you’re thinking or feeling on the inside.
My goal of this blog was so I didn’t have to live behind that face any longer. I wanted to be able to help people have a better understanding of how someone with diseases such as mine deals with the symptoms and how they affect the different aspects of my life.
I was tired of the pretending. I was tired of always giving the generic yet positive responses when asked how I was. I was tired of the amount of energy consumed in the act of writhing in pain, while trying to keep the pain from as deep as my eyes, and continuing to be Ms Customer Service.
Speaking of tired…
Being Type A personality, I’m frustrated with my inconsistency in posting. Depending on what’s going on in the household, the kids and preparation of summer vacation, dealing with government organizations, taking steps to move forward with legal counsel, complete and utter exhaustion – physical, mental, emotional, spiritual – the devil continues to try to tear me down. Meanwhile, I’m working to remain steadfast in the faith He will come through and bless me when it is time.
For the most part though, I feel as though overall, I’ve stayed with my goal. I do talk about other things that get me thinking. I would love to talk about my children, but since once something is out in cyberspace there’s no getting it back, I need to get their permissions and then if there are any limitations or exceptions to what can be posted or discussed. I will at the very least introduce them to you in the future by way of brief descriptions about them.
Until then though, I haven’t spent much of my awake time today being physically productive. I did spend a couple of hours online catching up on and rewatching previous weeks sermons from church. It was so wonderful and necessary too, because honestly, lately, I truly feel as though I’m lacking spiritually. There have been more times than not when I’m not feeling very Christ-like at all.
After I was filled with His love for me, I was able to have the amazing Skype call I mentioned in the intro. Talk about fueling both your emotional and spiritual tanks! I wrote an update email to the Attorney. Surprisingly enough, I only then had to use the facilities as I joke often about having a squirrel sized bladder causing me to need to go more regularly than the average person. I also have been taking in approximately 96-120 oz of water daily.
Since I was there and had a good amount of energy, which isn’t always the case, I figured I may as well hop in the shower. Because it was shampoo and shave day, I need a bit more energy than usual due to the added time it takes to wash my hair. And when I say added time, I mean it literally can take up to 10 minutes to do a good cleaning and conditioning on my hair since it’s waist length with long layers. I only wash it a couple days a week at most since it’s a healthier option for both my hair and my skull. (Perhaps I will go into more detail about my hair care in another blog post. Stay tuned.) 🙂
After getting dressed and the remainder of my personal hygeine routine completed, I set up my little nook on the front enclosed porch. Laptop, phone, water and mouse all set up, I went to take care of some of the random chores and tidying up around the house, found a box of summer and workout clothes (which I’ve been looking for some time for), and then decided I would blog today, so here we are now.
It has been a very productive day. Some boxes from storage were sorted through, dining room was changed around a bit, cleaning, tidying up the recycling area on the porch, and almost expending as many calories through all of that as my entire daily intake, is all, really quite truly impressive.
But now I’m exhausted and must go to bed.
Be well and embrace His grace.